Life is hard. My oldest daughter, Rachael found this out last night. Not to go into it too much detail, but I had to run to the bathroom. While in there, I heard the back slider door open and then close. It was late, so I sat there calling for Rachael, and asking her to come back inside. I was maybe in the bathroom for two to three minutes at the most. Once done, I immediately headed for the back door to holler at Rachael to come back inside. When I went to open the door, she was just sitting there on her wooden horse looking confused while holding two lifeless chicks.
At that point, I lost it. I raised my voice and yelled at my oldest daughter for something she wasnt able to take back. I asked for her to hand the baby chickens to me and walk away. My daughter, who is extremely emotional listened and never made a peep. Afterwards, for what I said to her, I felt incredibly horrible. But I know that my daughter needed a reaction for what she did. I just wish now that I wouldve approached it a bit different.
I tended to Jozlynne for a bit, while Rachael was thinking. My brother came home after being at the skatepark for a bit and I asked him not to talk to Rachael about what had just happened since I had just laid into her pretty good. He respected that.
My brother, Vaughn looked after Jozlynne for me so I could go outside and talk with Rachael about the incident.
I will admit, this is a talk that I wouldve liked to have waited for. When I stepped outside, she was just sitting there in a chair on the front deck. Her knees up to her chin and her hands covering her face. Never has she sat so still for so long. The first thing I did was walk over to her, scoop her into my arms and hold her. That is when she broke down. My three year old daughter who usually cries when something first happens, waited. I allowed her to let it all out. I even started to cry. Not over the chickens, but over the fact that she just had to be a part of one of lifes hard lessons. Once she was done crying as hard as she was, she looked at me and asked, "Mommy, why wont the baby chickens wake up?" A tear fell down her eye and I explained to my daughter that once something goes to heaven it cannot wake back up. I proceeded to tell her that the chicks have passed away and they are not able to wake up. Rachaels comment back to me was "why have they passed away mommy, just go ask them to wake up." I had to inform my three year old, who will be four in November that when something passes away, it means that the something has died, and we cannot wake that something or someone up. I had to explain to my three year about heaven and how once things go there, we are not able to bring them back. I had to explain to my three year old about God and how heaven works. My three year old comic, who was being serious when she asked me looked at me and said, "Mommy, just go up to heaven and ask God to give me my baby chickens back. Maybe they are just sleeping. If you ask them to just wake up." I smiled for a second and the tears started to fade. I told her that the baby chickens are in a safe place and God is watching them for her. I explained to her more about death and how it is hard but we somehow manage to get through it all. Rachael stood up on the bench, looked over and saw my dog, Gizmo. "Look mommy, he isnt dead. Look mommy, the chickens over there arent dead. They are alive!" I said to my daughter, "yes, they are alive. And one of these days you will understand that life is valuable. And we just need to be careful with the things that we love because we never know when those things will go." "Okay mommy, I will be nicer." And then she gave me a hug and kiss, jumped off my lap and ran back inside saying it was cold outside.
One of the hardest most difficult talks about life. It seemed like it lasted for nearly forever, but it was only about ten minutes altogether. Life is fragile. We need to cherish the life that each of us lives. Not only our own life, but the ones that we love. My daughter now knows to be much more careful with things. She learned a hard lesson, but she is better for it now.
Each day is a new lesson.
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